I can be a tough bitch. I’m not writing this because I see it as a problem or something that needs to be fixed. We are all multifaceted and each aspect of ourselves makes up the beauty of the whole. In my writing class, I am at the level of exploring the muses and this came forward as my exploration of the Medusa muse:
I let my hair grow all over my body. Life sprouting forth in thick tufts from my crown, under my arms, on my mound. My legs are furry. My scent is more forest floor than number 5. Rich and musky -- primal. I like to eat with my hands licking my fingers and my lips, smacking the taste into my mouth. Letting food dribble down my chin. I like the feel of grease on my skin. It provides a protective layer that is embellished with dirt and grime.
I take my time. I take my space. I take my sound.
There is no need for sugar coating or pussyfooting. I roar when I mean business. My skin is soft and supple and my heart is as hard as a rock. I will break down anything with enough time.
I say how things are done. I know what is true. I know what is right. I know what works.
I not only have a seat at the table, but I also eat the table. I am action. I devour power for breakfast.
My rage is fueled by impatience. I don’t wait. I have no time. Time does not exist for me. Everything is now. Now! Now! Now!
Weakness is boring and empathy is overrated. The currency of emotional intelligence is wasted on people.
I have my way. That is the only way. My force works.
The world bends to me. Not the other way around.
It’s heavy to hold this power. It’s a burden. I don’t use it wisely. Wisdom is not my strength. I am in a world that does not understand me and judges me. I am unappreciated.
Sadness mushrooms inside. It makes me soggy. I need a good drying out to be able to scorch earth. The chains of compassion make me weak. My tears taste like venom, bitter on the tongue. There is no sweetness running through my veins. That is not what powers the universe. I birth galaxies from my loins. At the drop of a hat. In the blink of an eye. With barely a screech.
It is easy to embrace socially acceptable parts of ourselves and discard the rest. That taming and conditioning we are exposed to through societal and family norms infuses us in conscious and unconscious ways. It takes intentionality to be open to the full range of who we are and to let go of the concepts and ideas we have about who we should be. Being forced into rigid boxes is where toxic masculinity and femininity get created. We all have masculine and feminine within us. We all have our strengths and our weaknesses. We all have the capacity to shapeshift and transform. That is healthy.
I encourage you to embrace all of your muses and allow your full humanness space to breathe and express the aliveness that is within. We innocently stifle ourselves with the best of intentions based on our ideas of what a good person is.
I used to think the Medusa energy was bad. Embracing it would mean I was not lovable. But shunning this part of me did not stop me from being a bitch. It is too powerful for that. It just came out in unconscious ways so I could keep the illusion of my niceness front and center, and be harsh and critical in my blind spots. My anger was compressed into a steely logic that could cut like the sharpest knives and provide an infusion of judgment-filled contempt packaged in a smile with just a slight inflection of sanctimonious superiority.
Believe me, being an outright bitch goes over far better in my world. And I use the word bitch because I feel it is worthy of reclamation and reappropriation. Even though the thesaurus tells me these are the synonyms: floozy, harlot, hussy, slut, tart, tramp, vamp, wench, whore, witch, broad, hellion, shrew, termagant, and vixen. It doesn’t mean that to me, and “strong woman” just isn’t salty enough. But I am open to hearing the words you want to use as you reclaim yourself and embrace all of your delicious, lovable self that is at once magnificently complex and universally simple.
Rohini Ross is co-founder of “The Rewilders.” Listen to her podcast, with her partner Angus Ross, Rewilding Love. They believe too many good relationships fall apart because couples give up thinking their relationship problems can’t be solved. In this season of the Rewilding Love Podcast, Rohini and Angus help a couple on the brink of divorce due to conflict. Angus and Rohini also co-facilitate private couples' intensives that rewild relationships back to their natural state of love. Rohini is also the author of the ebook Marriage, and she and Angus are co-founders of The 29-Day Rewilding Experience and The Rewilding Community. You can follow Rohini on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. To learn more about her work and subscribe to her blog visit: TheRewilders.org.