We had the pleasure of sitting down with our dear friend and coach Erika Bugbee. Erika's wisdom is evident in every word she expresses. We cover topics like parenting teens (or children of any age), marriage, and relationships of all forms (even the ones with your in-laws).
Erika skillfully uncovers two fundamental keys to having success in any relationship. Showing restraint when we'd rather tear into our partner for their annoying habits, behaviors, etc... goes a long way. We often show restraint in relationships with those who are not our nearest and dearest, but with those, we're closest to we often have the least patience and tolerance. It's an act of love and grace to show restraint in the face of irritations and conflict. For the second fundamental key, we invite you to tune into the episode!
She relates this guidance to Eric Clapton's song "Before You Accuse Me." In the midst of blame and judgment, it's so easy to keep looking outside of ourselves for the source of our frustration. But let's keep in mind how messy or difficult we can be, and use that awareness to help us soften with our loved ones. Maybe they are the tolerant ones having to put up with us all the time! It can be helpful to flip your focus like this when you get caught up.
We also talk about how the urgency for wanting to get it right in parenting can muddy our ability to give our children what they need in the moment, which very well might be space. If we can be comfortable with the unknown, around how we are going to handle a situation, we can walk away and come back to it with more clarity. Accepting uncertainty is the first step to seeing something new.
This episode explores:
- The toxic taste of judgment
- As soon as you soften, they soften -- it's a chemical reaction
- Showing restraint and overlooking as acts of love
- The things that drive us crazy are often our partner's or kid's upside
- Acceptance of the unknown
- The generosity of giving someone space
"Before You Accuse Me": An Eric Clapton song featured on his MTV Unplugged album. Incredible album to listen to from start to finish! Also a helpful mantra to remember for relationships.
Erika Bugbee is a global coach with 20 years of experience working with teens, young adults, and couples who are open and motivated. She helps clients relate to their minds differently so they're less affected by limitations, fears, and distress, which optimizes their enjoyment, peace of mind, and potential in life. Get pointed in a new direction by working with Erika. Learn more at her website: https://www.erikabugbee.com/.
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Listener shout out!
Thank you, Maria! We're so glad you're enjoying Rewilding Love :)
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OTHER WAYS TO ENJOY THIS POST
Angus & Rohini Ross are “The Rewilders.” Listen to their podcast Rewilding Love. They believe too many good relationships fall apart because couples give up thinking their relationship problems can’t be solved. Many couples don’t know how to navigate low moods, conflict, and emotional reactivity. In this season of the Rewilding Love Podcast, Rohini and Angus help a couple on the brink of divorce due to conflict. Angus and Rohini love working with couples and helping them to reduce conflict and discord in their relationships by pointing them to their innate wisdom and wellbeing. They work with couples who are struggling and couples who would like to deepen the love and intimacy they already have. They co-facilitate private couples' intensives that rewild relationships back to their natural state of love.