I, Rohini, was the queen of taking things personally. My painful emotions made it look very justified. I didn't see that I could help but suffer. I didn't realize that what looked personal was really impersonal. I didn't realize by making it about me, I was creating additional suffering. When I saw other people's difficult behavior is only ever a reflection of their suffering and their state of mind, and not about me, it was liberating. This made it easier for me to see the benefit of my neutrality in the face of someone else's upset.
This isn't about letting anyone off the hook or letting them get away with something. It was about me reducing my suffering. When I take something personally and become reactive, I'm caught up in my own limited thinking, my own personal identifications about my worth and value, not being good enough, and all kinds of other distorted conditioned thoughts. When I see the truth of what's happening that another person's challenging behavior doesn't reflect anything about me, I experience neutrality and inner freedom. Inner freedom from my limiting beliefs and greater peace of mind as a result. And I don't waste time and energy trying to change myself or figure things out. That is what reduces the suffering.
The behavior is a separate issue. If there's something that needs to be addressed, I will be much more effective at addressing it from a place of peace and clarity within myself. Also, when I look in the direction of the impersonal, when I look to my true nature -- what is universal to us all -- I end up experiencing my human experience more richly and enjoying it a whole lot more. I feel more alive, present, and connected. Neutrality isn't about not being human or not having emotions. It is about regaining perspective so the human experience can be more graceful and enjoyable.
Angus & Rohini Ross are “The Rewilders.” Listen to their podcast Rewilding Love. They believe too many good relationships fall apart because couples give up thinking their relationship problems can’t be solved. Many couples don’t know how to navigate low moods, conflict, and emotional reactivity. In this season of the Rewilding Love Podcast, Rohini and Angus help a couple on the brink of divorce due to conflict. Angus and Rohini love working with couples and helping them to reduce conflict and discord in their relationships by pointing them to their innate wisdom and wellbeing. They work with couples who are struggling and couples who would like to deepen the love and intimacy they already have. They co-facilitate private couples' intensives that rewild relationships back to their natural state of love.