There can be a lot of focus placed on avoiding conflict in relationships, but there isn't as much talk about how to bounce back after conflict. For most couples, conflict is a normal part of intimate relationships. And for us, what helped us most when we were experiencing significant conflict in our relationship was recognizing our capacity to get over it and suffer less.
This takes the pressure off trying to create a conflict-free relationship and instead allows room for humanness and learning while recognizing the capacity we all have to emotionally stabilize and regain our bearings.
So when we got into a tizzy before recording this vlog, even though we had conflict, we didn't make it mean anything about us or our relationship. This helped us stay in the moment and eventually it fizzled out. Now we are settled we can see the conflict was a reflection of our low moods colliding and there isn't anything to do or fix.
Having room for conflict in our relationship has actually helped to significantly reduce the amount of conflict we experience and recognizing our resilience to bounce back means we don't see it as a big deal.
How easy is it for you to return to a feeling of goodwill toward your partner after conflict? Does anything get in the way of your bounce back?
Angus & Rohini Ross are “The Rewilders.” Listen to their podcast Rewilding Love. They believe too many good relationships fall apart because couples give up thinking their relationship problems can’t be solved. Many couples don’t know how to navigate low moods, conflict, and emotional reactivity. In this season of the Rewilding Love Podcast, Rohini and Angus help a couple on the brink of divorce due to conflict. Angus and Rohini love working with couples and helping them to reduce conflict and discord in their relationships by pointing them to their innate wisdom and wellbeing. They work with couples who are struggling and couples who would like to deepen the love and intimacy they already have. They co-facilitate a private couples' intensives retreat program that rewilds relationships back to their natural state of love.
Rohini is the author of the ebook Marriage, and they are co-founders of The 29-Day Rewilding Experience and The Rewilding Community. You can also follow Angus and Rohini Ross on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. To learn more about their work visit: TheRewilders.org. Check out Rohini's latest blog post.