I was recently given feedback in a Mastermind group that I am part of that for someone with so much insecure thinking I sure get a lot done. I don’t know if you ever feel this way, but I feel at times like I am different than other people. I think I am more screwed up, that I am less than, that there is something wrong with me. This definitely happens less than it used to, but it still happens. What is different now is that I am much better than I used to be at ignoring these thoughts and the accompanying feelings. I have come a long way in simply tuning out my internal negativity so these thoughts have a very little impact on me.
This is the result of the impact of the understanding of the Principles on my life. I have greater inner freedom simply by seeing the fundamental building blocks of how my experience is created. This simple understanding gives me greater access to experiencing my true nature in ways I had never imagined possible. It helps me to be with the fullness of who I am both my spiritual nature and my human form in a way that allows me to navigate my day to day human experience more gracefully.
I don’t find myself longing for more spiritual connection than I have. Instead, I feel grateful for where I am. I know there is more to see and more to experience, but I am not suffering because I am not there, nor do I find myself judging my human frailties and the limitations of my misunderstandings the way I used to. It is no longer a problem for me to feel bad. This might sound like a strange thing to be grateful for, but it is actually very liberating.
I used to think that I needed to become more spiritual and less human. I can see how ridiculous that sounds now, but it made sense to me at the time that I needed to improve my human experience so I could experience more of my spiritual nature and the bliss associated with it. I now see the pain of this; it is a made up duality that created suffering and a deeper experience of separation. There is no duality even though it looks like there is. It is all one and neither form nor formless is better than the other. They are the same.
My insecure thinking is created from the same energy behind life that my thoughts of bliss are. Every experience I create is created in the same way independent of the content of my experience. Looking at the source of where my experience comes from and seeing how it is all formless energy brought to life is what allows me to take the content of my experience less personally.
This has been so helpful recently when I experience overwhelm. When this happens my understanding points me in the direction of doing nothing even when my brain is screaming at me to do something! But I can see the ridiculousness of the demand and recognize the value of letting myself slow down so my personal thinking can settle. When I look in this direction I eventually come back to balance and can once again hear the inner promptings of my deeper knowing instead of the loud rantings of my insecure thoughts.
I know the feelings of overwhelm are feedback about my state of mind and not a valuable evaluation of what is going on in my life. I used to think my overwhelm meant that I needed to fix myself, or my life, or both. Now I understand the feelings of overwhelm will pass. They are a reflection of my distorted thoughts that will settle. I will find my bearings again, and my world does not end when I have to ride out some uncomfortable feelings.
This is particularly relevant as the start of the Soul-Centered Series gets closer. This program is such a heartfelt dream. I am so happy to be able to teach with my mentors and to share the profound impact they have when they share their understanding of the teachings of Sydney Banks. I am deeply moved emotionally, excited and inspired, and I also get filled with insecurity. I worry that I am I forgetting something. I wonder if I have covered all the bases. These are actually the easier thoughts to deal with. The less fun ones are when I am thinking, “Who am I to be doing this, and what do I have to offer?” This can all be accompanied by feelings of panic that wake me at 3 am, and I have no idea what the thoughts are.
What I love is that none of this is making me unhappy. None of this is impacting my knowing that this is going to be an amazing program with profound impact. It is not even getting in the way of my day-to-day life. Well, maybe a little bit. My husband Angus and I are having more angry words with each other than usual, but even then we bounce back pretty quickly. We had a major blow out on Sunday after dropping our daughter off at college on Friday and then staying up because of our younger daughter’s party on Saturday. We both had a massive meltdown on Sunday. I was in floods of tears. Angus was angry. And by the afternoon we were both fine and not holding on to any grudges. This feels miraculous, but it isn’t.
Knowing that my painful experiences are not the truth even though they look and feel true at the moment, has changed my life. It may not sound like being able to bounce back from crazy thinking and suffering is such a big deal, but for me it is huge. I have lived with a lot of noisy thinking for as long as I can remember. I have been labeled and diagnosed with mental illness. I saw myself as damaged and fragile because of this. I used to think that I could not be happy like other people or live a full life because of this. Now I see that my happiness cannot be taken away from me because I have some crazy thinking at times, and there is nothing wrong with me even if I have crazier thinking than most. This is so liberating and freeing.
And that is what I love. My thoughts and conditioned limiting beliefs do not run my life. They may grab me at times, but not enough for me to take them seriously. This is freedom. The freedom to not be bothered by my emotional experience. This does not mean I don’t suffer, but I suffer much less. I don’t dig into my suffering the way I used to. I just can’t buy into all of my negative and insecure thoughts the way I did and build a case for them.
I know I am experiencing much less insecure thinking now than in the past. I am appreciative of that but the sweet taste of freedom I am most grateful for is when I see that I can still have all of my insecure, distorted, anxious thoughts and only be temporarily derailed by them. This definitely feels like a superpower, and you have it too.
Understanding how your experience is created allows you to take all of your experiences more lightly and makes more room for you to feel the source of who you are more fully. The love that is your true nature is always there no matter what your emotional state is. Wisdom does not change no matter how far away it feels. Your true nature is the certainty and solid ground that is so reassuring while you have the ever changing human fluctuation of mood and feelings. You may have a wild ride in that regard, but you don’t need to feel limited by it.
It doesn’t matter how often I feel less than and not good enough. I take these experiences more lightly and keep moving forward. It is not a pushing through where additional effort is required. It is simply a recognition that it is not useful to pay attention to the content of my distorted thoughts. They do not give me helpful feedback.
Hope you see this too so you can be with your human experience in a lighter way. If you would like to learn more about this, here is a link to the free webinars for the Soul-Centered Series. Enjoy hearing from some of the original students of Sydney Banks and other thought leaders in the understanding.
Rohini Ross is co-founder of “The Rewilders.” Listen to her podcast, with her partner Angus Ross, Rewilding Love. They believe too many good relationships fall apart because couples give up thinking their relationship problems can’t be solved. In this season of the Rewilding Love Podcast, Rohini and Angus help a couple on the brink of divorce due to conflict. Angus and Rohini also co-facilitate private couples' intensives that rewild relationships back to their natural state of love. Rohini is also the author of the ebook Marriage, and she and Angus are co-founders of The 29-Day Rewilding Experience and The Rewilding Community. You can follow Rohini on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. To learn more about her work and subscribe to her blog visit: TheRewilders.org.