Rohini can be “scratchy” or impatient with Angus. This used to ruffle Angus’s feathers more as he would get gripped by his conditioned response to impatience and assume that impatience would inevitably lead to yelling. As a way to protect himself, Angus would get angry and go on the offensive. Rohini would then often take the bait and react -- starting a positive feedback loop of volatility.
Now, equipped with a different understanding of how the mind works, Angus is able to see Rohini’s impatience is like the weather. It will move along and settle on its own. This helps him have perspective so he is less likely to take her behavior personally. He also recognizes his reaction is about his own programming and conditioning rather than being caused by her.
Seeing your partner’s low mood behavior as temporary and a reflection of their own state of mind makes it so much easier to not take their behavior personally and to have perspective on it. This makes patience and compassion more readily available. Having room for humanness and frailties in relationships is humane and makes them much easier to navigate.
If you would like to listen to the Rewilding Love Podcast, it comes out in serial format. Start with Episode 1 for context. Click here to listen. And, if you would like to dive deeper into the understanding I share along with additional support please check out the Rewilding Community.
Angus & Rohini Ross are “The Rewilders.” Listen to their podcast Rewilding Love. They believe too many good relationships fall apart because couples give up thinking their relationship problems can’t be solved. Many couples don’t know how to navigate low moods, conflict, and emotional reactivity. In this season of the Rewilding Love Podcast, Rohini and Angus help a couple on the brink of divorce due to conflict. Angus and Rohini love working with couples and helping them to reduce conflict and discord in their relationships by pointing them to their innate wisdom and wellbeing. They work with couples who are struggling and couples who would like to deepen the love and intimacy they already have. They co-facilitate private couples' intensives that rewild relationships back to their natural state of love.
Rohini is the author of the ebook Marriage, and they are co-founders of The 29-Day Rewilding Experience and The Rewilding Community. You can also follow Angus and Rohini Ross on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. To learn more about their work visit: TheRewilders.org. Check out Rohini's latest blog post.