Defensiveness is a common occurrence in relationships when one person takes another person’s behavior personally. Angus and Rohini had a recent experience where Rohini was angry and Angus got defensive. In the past, this would have resulted in a downward spiral of conflict that could have lasted for days. Instead, it lasted for about ten minutes. The difference this time was Angus was able to witness himself being pulled in two directions. He saw one train of thought telling him to protect himself and remain defensive and another train of thought that was compassionate. The compassionate train won and he was able to see Rohini had temporarily lost cool and remain openhearted and hold space for her suffering. If defensiveness is a common occurrence for you, the next time it comes up see if you are able to recognize there is another train of thought with the feeling of love and compassion also available. This is not for the benefit of the other person. It is for your benefit too.
Angus & Rohini Ross are “the Rewilders.” They love working with couples and helping them to reduce conflict and discord in their relationships by pointing them to their innate wisdom and understanding. They work with couples who are struggling and couples who would like to deepen the love and intimacy they already have. They co-facilitate individualized couples intensives that rewild relationships back to their natural state of love. Rohini is the author of the free ebook Marriage, and they are co-founders of The 29-Day Rewilding Experience and The Rewilding Community. You can also follow Rohini on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. To learn more about her work go to her website, www.rewilders.org.