After a trip to the ER, life still wasn’t done with throwing curve balls my way.
The next chain of events started with hot water coming out of our refrigerator drinking water tap. I thought that was weird. I then noticed that our freezer temperature had gone up by 10 degrees.
I had just received a shipment of meat from the regenerative farm I order from and was concerned about the food in our freezer going off.
A sidebar regarding my meat-eating. I did live as a vegetarian in my twenties for a couple of years. They were the sickest years of my life, and my naturopath at the time finally convinced me to eat meat again. When I resumed my health conditions resolved. It was a humbling experience of learning to listen to my body rather than trying to impose my ideology.
Back to last week, I was afraid of our food spoiling so I asked Angus if he would pick up a chest freezer. We had been meaning to get one for a while but hadn’t got round to doing so.
After some deliberation, he agreed. He thought we could wait. I didn't. I didn't know at the time, but I got confused about the actual temperature of the freezer. I grew up in Canada where we use Celsius. Our refrigerator is in Fahrenheit. The temperature on the freezer compartment read 12 degrees. I thought this was the equivalent of 54 degrees Fahrenheit and it was heading to room temperature when really the freezer temperature was still well below freezing.
However, my urgency convinced Angus to go on the errand even though he was looking forward to an uninterrupted day for himself. I had an intensive to get ready for so I went back to work while he went to pick it the freezer. When he got to Bestbuy he realized the freezer was too big to fit in our car so he decided to buy a smaller one that was at another store. When he got to the next store he found out the smaller freezer was still too big to fit in our car. I suggested he try our daughter’s car because she has a hatchback. So he drove to her work and discovered that it wouldn’t fit in her car either!
He called me at this point in time and was yelling down the phone at me. He wasn’t yelling at me just yelling. I asked him if he wanted me to speak to him in the same way he was speaking to me and raised my voice to match him. This is not a technique I recommend, but when we talked later he said it was actually helpful in the moment for him to realize how he was behaving.
Things settled and he decided to come home. I thought we were done with the universe throwing us curve balls so continued completing work before going offline for the intensive.
It was getting close to the time I needed to leave to meet with my client, and I realized Angus wasn't home yet. Then the phone rang again. It was Angus calling me to tell me has been in a car accident and our car was undrivable. My first instinct was to make sure no one was hurt. No one was -- thank goodness. Then I asked whose fault it was. It turns out the woman driving the car had changed lanes without checking her side mirror and hit Angus as a result.
I couldn’t help thinking of all of the things that happened that day that allowed Angus to be on the 101 Freeway at the exact place and time that this woman was looking at her GPS while she changed lanes. A few seconds earlier or later and none of it would have happened.
I am trusting that there is a bigger unfolding at play like the story of the Chinese farmer where he is non-committal about any life event being good or bad, but I couldn't help but think if I hadn't been so urgent none of this would have happened.
I am sharing this because this is an example of what happens when urgency drives behavior.
I reacted to my feeling of urgency. Because I wasn’t settled I got confused about the freezer temperature. I convinced Angus there was an emergency that needed immediate attention so he interrupted his day. The urgency kept snowballing and finally settled when our car became undrivable.
At that point, I got my wake-up call and settled down. I surrendered. And was able to work with life as it was showing up from a settled state rather than an anxious state.
I ordered an uber to get to my intensive. The location was in the heart of Topanga . To access it you need to drive up a very narrow road. The Uber driver was nervous driving up there and from a calm and centered place within myself I asked him drop me off so I could walk the final mile. I enjoyed the scenery. It felt like I was walking through an enchanged forest.
Fortunately, Angus didn’t blame me or hold a grudge.
We actually didn’t have any harsh words, just the short yelling moment.
This is progress for us.
And this experience is a reminder for me to not trust my feeling of urgency. I don’t need to let it drive my behavior. If there isn’t an immediate crisis, I can let myself settle and then decide what makes sense from a settled mind.
And the cherry on top is after all of that our freezer stabilized and returned to its normal temperature of 0 degrees Fahrenheit.
Just another example of the intelligence behind life finding its way to balance and harmony.
Rohini Ross is co-founder of “The Rewilders.” Listen to her podcast, with her partner Angus Ross, Rewilding Love. They believe too many good relationships fall apart because couples give up thinking their relationship problems can’t be solved. In the first season of the Rewilding Love Podcast, Rohini and Angus help a couple on the brink of divorce due to conflict. Angus and Rohini also co-facilitate private couple's intensive retreat programs that rewild relationships back to their natural state of love. Rohini is also the author of the ebook Marriage, and she and Angus are co-founders of The 29-Day Rewilding Experience and The Rewilders Community. You can follow Rohini on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. To learn more about her work and subscribe to her blog visit: TheRewilders.org.