Angus and I learned the hard way about the perils of trying to tame each other. I see now how out of my insecurity I tried to change Angus to try and make him fit my preferences so I was more comfortable.

It was a complete game changer when I recognized that he can never be responsible for my emotional experience and that I can be okay with all of my feelings. So freeing to see that I did not need him to be different for me to feel okay.

Understanding that my emotional experience is a reflection of my inner state of mind and not about outside circumstances, not even about a partner who behaves in ways I don’t like, is liberating. It helps me when I understand the real source of my suffering is my thoughts and my reaction them.

Seeing this helps me to look beyond my changing and subjective thoughts and feelings to my innate state of wellbeing that does not go anywhere even though I don’t feel it all the time. When I look in that direction I no longer try to tame Angus to suit my preferences because I know I am okay, and I get to enjoy him exactly as he is. Accepting each other with all of our humanness rewilded our relationship to its natural state of love.

Angus & Rohini Ross are “The Rewilders.” Listen to their podcast Rewilding Love. They believe too many good relationships fall apart because couples give up thinking their relationship problems can’t be solved. Many couples don’t know how to navigate low moods, conflict, and emotional reactivity. In this season of the Rewilding Love Podcast, Rohini and Angus help a couple on the brink of divorce due to conflict. Angus and Rohini love working with couples and helping them to reduce conflict and discord in their relationships by pointing them to their innate wisdom and wellbeing. They work with couples who are struggling and couples who would like to deepen the love and intimacy they already have. They co-facilitate private couples' intensives that rewild relationships back to their natural state of love.

Rohini is the author of the ebook Marriage, and they are co-founders of The 29-Day Rewilding Experience and The Rewilding Community. You can also follow Angus and Rohini Ross on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. To learn more about their work visit: TheRewilders.org.