In this episode, Mateo reveals that he does in fact want the relationship to work, but only if Alicia changes. Angus points Mateo toward the fact that his experience is created from within, independent of Alicia, and that ultimately she cannot touch his wellbeing. Mateo is reluctant but is starting to see the role that his mood plays in how he interprets Alicia’s actions.
Angus points out that Mateo is a deep-thinker, which can be a great thing, except when used against oneself. Mateo can see how his over-analysis, and painful thinking, is begetting more painful thinking that’s leading him to shut himself down in the presence of Alicia. He wants to feel more free, to be able to come home and kiss Alicia and talk about their day, but he thinks by opening that door, he leaves himself vulnerable to Alicia wreaking havoc on his mood. Now that he’s beginning to see where his experience is coming from, there is a glimmer of hope that Mateo might open himself up again in the relationship.
This episode explores:
- The futility of trying to change someone else. This leads to hostility and resentment.
- The impact of state of mind on our experience.
- Righteousness doesn't allow room for understanding.
- The power of recognizing you feel the thoughts you identify with.
- One person in a couple making a shift can create change within the relationship.
- We can be victimized by our own habitual thoughts.
- The nature of thought is to settle, the mind is designed to return to peace.
- Suffering is chronic and continuous when we identify with low mood thinking.
- Recognizing when we can trust our thinking is a game-changer.
- Angus reveals his own misunderstanding when he and Rohini first adopted their dog.
Podcast music
Rewilding Love features the music of RhythmPharm with Los Angeles based Master drummer, multi-instrumentalist, and composer Greg Ellis, born and raised in the Bay Area. Ep. 5 includes selections from: Violet/Balance; Blue/Calm; Orange/Nourishment; Yellow/Clarity.
Show notes
Viktor Frankl: An author, neurologist, psychiatrist, and Holocaust survivor who wrote "Man's Search for Meaning".
Tale of woe: a sad story; a list of personal problems; an excuse for failing to do something.
Funfair: British way of referring to a fair.
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Listener shout out of the week!
Thank you, BellaLovesScarlett! We are thrilled to hear how much you enjoy the podcast and very grateful you left a review to let us know!
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OTHER WAYS TO ENJOY THIS POST
Angus & Rohini Ross are “The Rewilders.” Listen to their podcast Rewilding Love. They believe too many good relationships fall apart because couples give up thinking their relationship problems can’t be solved. Many couples don’t know how to navigate low moods, conflict, and emotional reactivity. In this season of the Rewilding Love Podcast, Rohini and Angus help a couple on the brink of divorce due to conflict. Angus and Rohini love working with couples and helping them to reduce conflict and discord in their relationships by pointing them to their innate wisdom and wellbeing. They work with couples who are struggling and couples who would like to deepen the love and intimacy they already have. They co-facilitate private couples' intensives that rewild relationships back to their natural state of love.
Rohini is the author of the ebook Marriage, and they are co-founders of The 29-Day Rewilding Experience and The Rewilding Community. You can also follow Angus and Rohini Ross on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. To learn more about their work visit: TheRewilders.org.