Not working on your relationship might seem like it would result in your relationship withering away, but actually, it will thrive! Trying to work on your relationship gives the impression that there is something to work on. When in reality the quality of all relationships is the by-product of the state of mind of the people in the relationship. So rather than having relationship issues, there is actually only challenges for the individuals in the relationship navigating their low moods.
It is particularly important to understand that techniques for resolving conflict or increasing intimacy break down when people are in low moods. At those times, what is helpful is understanding how to take care of yourself when you are in a low mood. This helps to avoid behaving in hurtful or unkind ways, and also helps you to understand what is going on if our partner's behavior is challenging.
It isn't a relationship issue it is a state of mind issue.
The good news is we don't even have to work on our state of mind. We are designed to stabilize emotionally. All we need to do is let go and let our nervous system rebalance itself, and give our partner the time and space they need to come back into balance.
We apologize for the sound quality. Angus had the bright idea of pinning his mic to his shirt and it picked up the sounds of his movement. He won't be doing that again!
If you would like to listen to the Rewilding Love Podcast, it comes out in serial format. Start with Episode 1 for context. Click here to listen. And, if you would like to dive deeper into the understanding I share along with additional support please check out the Rewilding Community.
Angus & Rohini Ross are “The Rewilders.” Listen to their podcast Rewilding Love. They believe too many good relationships fall apart because couples give up thinking their relationship problems can’t be solved. Many couples don’t know how to navigate low moods, conflict, and emotional reactivity. In this season of the Rewilding Love Podcast, Rohini and Angus help a couple on the brink of divorce due to conflict. Angus and Rohini love working with couples and helping them to reduce conflict and discord in their relationships by pointing them to their innate wisdom and wellbeing. They work with couples who are struggling and couples who would like to deepen the love and intimacy they already have. They co-facilitate a private couples' intensives retreat program that rewilds relationships back to their natural state of love.
Rohini is the author of the ebook Marriage, and they are co-founders of The 29-Day Rewilding Experience and The Rewilding Community. You can also follow Angus and Rohini Ross on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. To learn more about their work visit: TheRewilders.org. Check out Rohini's latest blog post.