Emotional regulation is key for reconciling after conflict. In the past Angus would rush to reconcile not because he was ready, but because he wanted to try and get out of his uncomfortable feelings. This didn’t provide a stable emotional foundation for moving forward. When Rohini would share her experience seeking understanding, Angus’s emotional instability would reemerge and the conflict would resume. What we both really needed was more time to settle so we could reconvene without things blowing up.
We encourage you to give yourself the time you need to truly stabilize emotionally before initiating reconciliation after an argument. And if your partner needs more time than you do, can you give them the time and space they need? It isn’t personal. Their nervous system has its own timing and it might be different than yours.
If you would like to listen to the Rewilding Love Podcast, it comes out in serial format. Start with Episode 1 for context. Click here to listen. And, if you would like to dive deeper into the understanding I share along with additional support please check out the Rewilding Community.
Angus & Rohini Ross are “The Rewilders.” Listen to their podcast Rewilding Love. They believe too many good relationships fall apart because couples give up thinking their relationship problems can’t be solved. Many couples don’t know how to navigate low moods, conflict, and emotional reactivity. In this season of the Rewilding Love Podcast, Rohini and Angus help a couple on the brink of divorce due to conflict. Angus and Rohini love working with couples and helping them to reduce conflict and discord in their relationships by pointing them to their innate wisdom and wellbeing. They work with couples who are struggling and couples who would like to deepen the love and intimacy they already have. They co-facilitate private couples' intensives that rewild relationships back to their natural state of love.
Rohini is the author of the ebook Marriage, and they are co-founders of The 29-Day Rewilding Experience and The Rewilding Community. You can also follow Angus and Rohini Ross on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. To learn more about their work visit: TheRewilders.org. Check out Rohini's latest blog post.